Mother Teresa - Future Saint who had her Doubts

Last September 5th was the tenth anniversary of the death of Mother Teresa. The anniversary was somewhat overshadowed by the tenth anniversary of the death of another icon Princess Diana that had occured just a few days before. Born Agnes Bojaxhiu in the year 1910 she had already decided by her 12th birthday that she in fact wanted to be a missionary to the poor. By age 17 she had left her home village of Skopje and traveled to Ireland to begin to realize her childhood ambition. In 1931 she took her first vows as a nun. She became part of an order known as the Loreto sisters where she remained for 17 years. In 1948 she left this order to strike out on her own and form a new community. She believed that she was responding to a call from God for her to dedicate the rest of her life to the service of the poorest of the poor. She relocated to Calcutta, India to represent God in her service by founding an order that grew from just one woman at the beginning to nearly 4000 members and 600 foundations in 123 countries upon her passing. Despite her years of dedication to God there were periods in her life when she felt abandoned by him and had been filled with doubt.
She often wrote letters to superiors and confessors in which she would state that she believed that her prayers to God were going unanswered and felt an emptiness about this and that she thought she was being spurned. In one of these letters she wrote: " Lord, my God who am i that you should forsake me?...The one you have thrown away as unwanted and unloved...I call, I cling, I want and there is no one there to answer...". In another letter addressed to the Rev. Lawrence Picachy in August of 1959 she again repeats these sentiments, "Tell me father, Why is there so much pain and darkness in my soul." In another letter written in 1995 she wrote of her "Spiritual Dryness" just two years before her death so it becomes clear that her struggle with her faith was a matter that lingered with her through her life and was not merely a passing phase.
In these letters we see a woman who is attempting to come to terms with the day to day misery that she sees in the eyes of the suffering and square that with the inconsistancy of that reality and a loving God. Being honest with oneself is not a crime or sin it is actually an attempt to get to some truth. She believed in a loving God and could not understand how a slum like Calcutta could exist in light of the existance of such a being and it caused her crisis of faith. Most of us have been there too probably more than a few times.
In the estimation of most it detracts nothing from her relavence. A great life is measured by the actions of an individual. A life in service to others is a labor of love that is dedicated to God and is offered up in his name. For true believers they are the ones that get to go through the pearly gates with the most ease. They are the examples of the enormous wealth of a human soul when it is applied. Despite her crisis of faith it never stopped her from her service. Can anyone doubt the spiritual beauty of such a person? She is a standard for others to try and live up to but have no hope of ever matching. Few others have or ever will succeed in leaving behind a shining beacon as bright as her life and her legacy.